The Everything You Fear Is Fear Itself!

I needed to take this picture…

I suppose the first recollection I have is when I was about 6 or 7 years old. I would scream at the top of my lungs whenever my parents would leave me and my younger sister in the car so that they could drop in to the grocery store for a minute or two. These screams were by no means muted or normal, I would have full on fits while Joanie, my younger sister would stare at me and shake her head in both annoyance and disbelief. 

The next memory I have is from about 20 years ago. I was playing basketball at the Y, after a night of drinking and took an elbow to my neck. As I struggled back to my feet, and leaned on the wall, my whole world changed in a flash. With one elbow to the neck I was back in that back seat in my parent's car screaming at the top of my lungs not wanting to be left alone. I could see my heart beating out of my chest and felt that I was in danger. I wasn't sure of what the danger was, but I was sure that in a room full of no less than 30 grown men, I was all alone. 

Last year when I left the States to go to Dubai while sitting at the Social House, a restaurant in The Mall Of Dubai, as I ate it started to hit me. Suddenly my chest tightened, what I was hearing seemed garbled and my arms started to tingle all over. Here it is again, I'm all alone in a place that has at least 200 people in it and I'm losing it. I quickly asked for the check and left as coming up for air normally did the trick. 

Yesterday as I took on the task of taking a 60 mile bike ride, I decided I'd take a familiar trail in order assure myself that I would get it done, the only issue was that I would have to head down that trail for at least 10 more miles than I had ever been before. As I approached the very spot that would mark my new conquest it hit me. Suddenly the road closed in on me, the sky darkened, my breath quickened and my heart started beating out of my chest. As I continued on my head started to spin and I felt disoriented. I looked ahead and for the first time in 20 miles of riding for the day, I noticed that I was all alone. It was as if the world was suddenly depopulated and there I was having to fend for myself. The music in my headphones became deafening and the trees along the trail started to crowd me. I thought to myself, "my only hope is to turn around to what is familiar." I started to turn around and then it hit me. This wasn't panic, there was nothing wrong with me at all. What I was feeling was fear. I was caught in the cold grip of it and needed to break away from it in order to save myself. 

Panic attacks should be redefined as fear attacks, it's easier to combat when thought about in proper context. Trust me, in my head I am going through a list of things to define the moment at hand and help me to cope with the situation so the least of the issue is the panic. It is fear that keeps me still. It is fear that has my mind wandering. It is fear that makes me take an assesment of each of my faculties, my heart, my pulse, my breath, my vision, my hearing, my soul, my sense of abandonment and my sense of security in that moment. 

In an attempt to understand why I am haunted by the issues from time to time, I have linked the feelings that I have shared in these times to my first account, maybe the feeling of abandonment or feeling alone was the trigger in that case, maybe it's the trigger in each case. Knowing the trigger(s) is helpful to me in the defining moment as it helps me to realize that this thing can be fought and conquered if I am properly prepared. 

Fear has a crippling effect, it grabs you by the waist and holds you in place as if the only protection is to stand in place and do nothing. I'm sure of the road that I just traveled, but I have no clue of what lay ahead and after all, there could be danger, is the thought that dominates you in that moment. 

As for my ride yesterday, I'm happy to say that I continued on after realizing that the issue was the road yet to be traveled, the one unknown was the road that lay ahead. I'd traveled the road behind me more times than I cared to share, but that road ahead was full of goblins as far as I was concerned. I submit to you that the day was sunny and bright with the exception of this minute, the picture at the top was taken in that moment. It's funny, that this entire episode only lasted for about 30 seconds or so but to me and people like me, this 30 seconds seems to last for days and can strike at any moment. I wasn't going to write about this, as it is so personal, but a friend posted a video on Facebook today (the video attached) 

that was THE right thing at just THE right time. Jim Carey's video spoke to my soul and gave me another tool in which to arm myself in my childish moments. I beg you to take the time to listen to this 3 minute video and send it to a friend that may be in need. I chose a few of my favorite quotes from his speech that related to the issues that haunted me in the past and claim that today I choose Love and will never look back again. I claim victory over fear and would like to give others a chance at the same peace that came over me yesterday and was confirmed today after watching the video. "The effect you have on others is the most valuable currency there is."  "Our eyes are not viewers, they are also projectors that are running a second story over the pictures that we see in front of us all the time; Fear is writing that script."  "Choose love and don't ever let fear turn you against your playful heart." 

I'd like to thank Angela Clark for posting the video, the timing couldn't have been more suitable...

Run Go Tell That! The Grand Age Of Misinformation.....

Eggs on Windshield Hoax

At some point the world spun backwards on its own axis. It used to be that reporters, writers and the like did their due diligence before releasing a story for mass consumption but at some point that all changed. Was it pre or post 9-11? I'm not quite sure, but the one thing I do know is with the advent, accessibility and popularity of social media the age of misinformation is in full bloom.

Semen in Mayo Hoax

Social media like Facebook, Vine, Twitter and Instagram have sprouted a wave of freelance journalist, reporters and photographers. This in and of itself is useful but when the person reporting, writing and capturing pictures or video of critical moments in a bystander's life has absolutely ZERO integrity, there is a high probability that misinformation will be spread. There's also the chance that  threads of ignorance will be spewed as pious opinionated assholes give unwanted and more importantly un-researched opinions on subjects that they are just not an authority on. All this while the fears of an already overly fearful society will be realized and acted upon by the "town criers". Those that stand downtown on their soap boxes screaming "Run for the hills the end is nigh!" "Get batteries and water the world will end in 2000!" or "Dec. 21st 2013 is the end of of the Mayan Calendar, get your affairs in order !"

Crying Baby Gang Lure Hoax

The issues that I have are these:

1) Spreading misinformation makes you part of the problem.

2) Refusing to fact check makes you a non-credible source for information.

3) A failure to understand what satire is makes you an idiot that should want to stop posting.

4) Posting scandalous nonsense for likes or hits makes you desperate for attention. * They have help for that....

5) Profiting from lies and rumors make you a smut peddler.

6) Spreading fear leads to erratic behavior, control and violence.

Spider Under The Toilet Seat Hoax

At the end of the day we all do what we do for our own personal reasons and that's fine. I'm a chef, blogger, photographer, writer, cyclist, traveler and humanitarian that happens to be opinionated, but I tend to base my opinions on factual, tangible and provable information before I throw it out for consumption. The media carries out enough smoke and mirrors tactics on the public at hand (that would be you & me) so there is no need for us to follow suit with them. We should want for more and demand more from them, but that's got to start with us checking ourselves and each other first and being receptive to change once we are called out on it. Some may still ask, "What's the big deal?", the big deal is FEAR, it's controlled the masses since the beginning of time and cost lives, millions and peace. I'd much rather do my part by spreading truth and understanding.

NAACP Gives Zim Lifetime Achievement Award Satire

I have pledged that this year whenever I see a post like the examples that I have given in this article, I would do my best to research the story and post its origin so that people have both sides of the story. It may seem petty to you and some may even be offended but I have my agenda which is to hold myself, my friends and those that want to "Run Go Tell That" accountable for the things that we post and by that hold the media to a higher standard.

Ignorance & Rap (Not Hip Hop there's such a difference) 

On a separate but related note I saw several post about the damage that VH1 and its programming is doing damage and harm to Black men, women and children. I tend to agree in some ways but I have a different take on it. After all the participants aren't White people dressed in Black face acting out the parts, these niggas are actually Black, ignorant low-brows that have found a way to make money off of their "caricaturized", stereotypical ghetto azzes. We can refuse to watch those things by simply changing the channel. We can refuse to acknowledge them by not posting about them. We can refuse to allow them to profit off of the smut they peddle by avoiding their sponsored events, websites or related entities. The one thing that I know for sure is the way to make change is to take the ability to profit monetarily from a thing. Posting about these things only  brings more attention to it. *I'm sure some of you are asking "Ain't you the pot calling the kettle black as you post about these things here and now?" To that I say, I'm doing so responsibly by posting truth and an educated opinion of the things that I would like to see changed positively. I'll support anyone else in their venture to do the same but if you happen to spread misinformation I will come at your post. Please don't take it personally I just have a penchant for wanting to see more truth than lies, a need for seeing more positive than negative and a duty to spread more love than hate. 

The Misconception of Crabs In A Barrel....

The Killer Lie.....

Today on Facebook I saw this illustration along with the title The Truth. After looking at the comments that were left I was surprised by the amount of Black men and women that agreed with the caption and illustration. Being a Black man who held a different opinion I needed to analyze a few things in order to weigh in. 

While some might wonder why the rest of the world was tripping, I set out to understand why I saw things differently than everyone else on the thread and then it hit me. I felt differently because I have gone about things in a more self responsible way throughout my life. With that in mind I offer the following examples of why the thought that Blacks don't help each other is not only a misconception but a down right lie..... Let the truth be told...

In the 90's I worked as a Social Worker in Washington, DC, which at the time I thought, was my life mission. By that I mean I really loved this job and saw myself doing it forever, after all it was a noble calling. One day I had a surprise dinner party for my good friend Jason at our house. I have always been able to cook so this was the perfect time for me to showcase one of my hidden talents. To say the menu was challenging is a gross understatement, I was shucking oysters, making mignonette sauce, searing rockfish, wilting greens and making caramelized bananas with home made tequila-lime ice cream and pouring specialty drinks. To make matters more complicated I was doing all of these things by myself for twenty-five people. Talk about exhaustive.....The party went seamlessly and everything was a success. The next day my best friend Shelby Jones called me to tell me that the menu, printed for my party, was given to the Executive Chef of the Motion Picture Association. Shelby went on to tell me that the chef was not only impressed with the menu but amazed that a social worker was able to pull this off by himself and he wanted to meet me. The following day I came in to meet the chef, we talked and I was hired on the spot. Talk about life altering moments.......

In 2008 while traveling to Dallas to visit friends for the holidays I met someone that would alter my life. At the time I was a kitchen manager at Google in Mountain View California. Yep it was THAT Google and life there was great. State of the Art equipment, the best product money could buy, knowledgeable mentors and an educated customer base. This place is heaven to work in for a chef so I was a lifer as far as I was concerned. On that trip to Dallas while staying with one of my boys, I met Charles Sherrard. Charles was working in I.T. for KBR in Iraq at the time. We talked about life, had a few drinks and played cards for the rest of the night. The next morning I made breakfast for everyone  and Charles looked at me and said, "Damn man you need to bring these talents to Iraq and cook for the troops!" I was flabbergasted. Little did he or anyone else know but on Sept. 12 2001 I called Red Cross to offer my services to cook for the first responders at both the Pentagon and The Twin Towers and was rebuffed. "There's no need at this point sir!" Is what I got each time I called to ask so I let it go. I turned to him and said,"Where do I sign up?" I was on my way to Iraq less than 3 months later. While in Iraq I worked my ass off. I was never in the military or any military setting so this was culture shock. Shit, The acronyms alone sent me into a tailspin let alone the culture, but within four months I was promoted to Supervisor and three months later again promoted to Area Supervisor. I came in hungrier than anyone else there. I knew I was behind everyone else that was former military but I outpaced everyone there and as a result was rewarded time and time again. 

In 2013 while teaching culinary arts in a DC High School, I got a call from a friend that I met in Iraq. Kita Riley called to tell me that help was needed in Afghanistan and the first person that she and her husband thought of was me. "We loved the Dining Facilities you ran in Iraq and knew you would be perfect for Afghanistan if you are interested." She said. I talked to her husband RJ Riley a few weeks later for more details and within the month I received a personal phone call from the C.O.O. from Taylors Inc. "Are you ready to come to Afghanistan and turn things around Mr. Crawford?" I was asked by Mr. Murphy. I was in Kabul a week  later. 

In the late 80's me and my boy Shelby watched a tennis match on T.V. and afterwards we were hyped. We went out and decided that we would get tennis rackets and tennis balls so we could go to a local court to hit a bit and teach ourselves how to play the game. It looked easy enough to us on TV so we didn't need any damn lessons. Once we got out there we swung for the fences. I mean you would have thought we were playing baseball, home-runs a plenty and more. This had to be one of the funniest days ever. As we rounded up the balls from the neighborhood (I said home-runs, right?), I knew I would never try tennis again. We went to the grocery store and bought food for me to cook. Shelby stuck with it and is a Tennis Pro & Instructor, I on the other hand am a Chef. 

One of the facts that each example has in common is obviously that each facilitator is Black, the more important but equally relevant fact is that each situation required a certain amount of prior preparation for the door that was to be opened and/or a willingness to find a passion, work hard at it and master. It's one thing to make a great menu and impress someone based on that but I still had to go in and sell myself in order to work at MPAA. I was the one that would need to walk through the door that Charles opened up for me in order to work in Iraq but once there I would need to prove my own worth, not only to keep up his reputation but to prove my worth to the company that hired me. I was the one that would need to take my job seriously enough to warrant promotion time and time again. It was the foundation that I laid in Iraq that impressed Kita & RJ enough to think of and reach out to me that landed me in Afghanistan. The knowledge that myself and Shelby went out to play tennis together and were both so horrible in the beginning that I turned to cooking immediately, is overshadowed by the fact that he is now a tennis pro and I'm a professional chef. These are a testament to our will and intestinal fortitude. 

The point is, while people are offered help in various forms it is that person's responsibility to take it to the next level. The misconception that Blacks don't help one another is a gross misrepresentation of the truth. The issue that I have with some folks is the expectation that they are owed a hand up or hand out by someone of the same race simply because they are of that same race. That notion is ridiculous, if I give you the information that I have worked hard to attain then it should be your mission to use it wisely. No one has the time to hold your hand to make sure you are using it wisely, that's your job not mine. Once someone has blessed me with a hand, I feel as if I owe them my best foot forward out of respect for what they have done for me. I also feel the need to prove myself worthy of the chance taken and opportunity afforded. As a Black man, do I owe other Blacks the right to know all that I know? Perhaps I do but I'd say I owe that opportunity to anyone that wants to learn what I am teaching. If that person happens to be Black then kudos but if not my teaching must go on. People be they Black, White or otherwise need to understand that help is a two way street. If you are given something then payment is always required in some way or another. Payment isn't always money and it's not always directed back to the person that gave it to you in the first place. In some cases it may be paid forward, while in others it may be repaid through bettering yourself and making things easier for those around or affected by you. Whatever the case is I refuse to allow the lazy few to speak for an entire race of people. We don't owe each other because we are Black. We should want to help anyone that wants to make their lives, communities, jobs, country and world a better place for each and every one of us. Magic Johnson, Bob Johnson, Oprah Winfrey, Tyler Perry are a few great examples of how Blacks actually help each other but I guess in order to see them as great examples it might depend on your perspective. I'd say to be able to see that they continue to be successful in their fields and happen to be Black is motivation and help enough for me to want the same for myself. We are not Crabs In A Barrel.....

First Impressions Are Lasting......

Reading Time: 5 Minutes

Impressions 

The words that come out of your mouth upon a chance meeting can have a lasting effect on both the sender and the receiver. It is imperative that one put out the image that is an honest depiction of what is intended to be conveyed rather than what you think someone might want to hear. The following is a completely true story.

Have you ever heard the tale of the corny idiot & thuggish wise man? No?? Well, just sit back and allow me to share the story with you.

Ballin' @ The Y

Mac had been to the YMCA to play basketball every weekday for the last 8 years or so. The YMCA had a mixture of folks from all walks of life, blue collar to the power elite. There was always the usual crowd but there would also be out-of-towners that would come in and play. On this particular day the place was full of regulars for the first few games and then in walked a dude that no one had ever met before. He walked in with a chip on his shoulder and seemed to be kind of thuggish in appearance to the group. He had on all black and the new A.I.'s with gold chains and rings. He also stood about 6'1" tall and appeared to weigh at least 230 so he stood out to all of the guys in the gym, even though he was on the sidelines and it would be a game or two before he was able play.

Mac, the corny idiot had been on the court since he arrived. This dude was one of the better players at the Y and winning was the norm but today he was particularly dominant and the thuggish guy must have taken notice. Another win for Mac and now the two meet up on the court. "Hey man what's happening?" The new comer said to the idiot. "Ain't shit man", said the corny idiot, this was surprising as this was not something that he would normally say. Now it was time for each team to decide who will check whom in the game. "I got Shaq!", said the newcomer in a sarcastic tone. "This dude is about to get the business for that crack!", thought the comfortable local to himself. "Hey man what's your name?", said the new guy. "Mac, and yours?" said Mac. "Lawrence" the new guy continued as the game began.

The first couple of plays went off as if it was another day at the office for Mac, a spin move and a lay up, a tip in and then a quick post up and it was 3-0 Mac. The next play Lawrence took Mac straight to the basket and laid it in. A quick elbow to the ribs and another lay in and now it's 3-2. As the game went on both Mac & Lawrence developed a level of respect for each other's game so when it was over they both sat down and started to talk.

"Where are you from young man, I'm from St Louis?", said Lawrence. Mac looked at him and said, "DC man!" "So what is there to do here in DC for the weekend?" asked Lawrence. As Mac looked Lawrence up and down to assess the type of things that he thought Lawrence was sure to appreciate, he blurted out what can only be described in hindsight as a theatre of the ridiculous. "Dude there's a club on U st where there are freaks galore, trust me get there and you will walk back to the room with company if that's what you want". "There are always the strip clubs on Ga. Ave if you tryin' to see some pussy popping, they off the chain there!" "If you want a strong drink or two then Stan's is the place to hit up, chicks in there too!" Mac was too busy fronting and running off at the lips to notice that Lawrence's mouth was gaping open in disgust or that he had a wedding band on so he continued on his rant. "This city is ripe for the plucking on a Friday night if you are single man, trust me you can run up in 5 or 6 before you leave if that's what you want to do." Mac finished up. What's funny is that Mac the corny idiot was nothing like what he was suggesting. While he was fun loving he rarely went out at all let alone to any of the places that he was suggesting to a stranger. One would think that Mac of all people would be an ambassador of culture and all things other than what he was preaching to this guy that he had just met. He was a guy that would go out of town with a list of museums to hit up rather than information on where the trendy clubs were. He was also a guy that was more comfortable having conversations that ended with, "it was a pleasure meeting you, here's my email so we can keep in touch!" much more than "why don't we move this up to my room?" Suddenly Lawrence interrupted the rambling idiot from further embarrassment by asking a simple question. "What do you do for a living Mac?" While the question was so simple  and commonplace the timing made it extremely probing and liberating. "I'm a chef", shared Mac. This was the perfect redirection as the conversation steered to different types of food and Mac was able to share his passion for food and as a result for life. He went on to talk about all of the culture that DC had to offer and shared some of his favorite haunts. "There's the nice spot down the street for a quick burger", Mac shared. "The cherry blossoms are out", "museums all around the city and bike trails." Mac began to beam with a sudden comfort as he shared the things that he actually loved to do. "Now this seems more like what I hoped you'd recommend man" Lawrence said with a clever smile. "What is it that you do?" Mac asked bluntly. Lawrence answered, "Me, I'm a reverend and the MC for the National Christian Revival this week!"

It's Time For The Clippers & The NBA Players to Take A Stand By Sitting......

A Racist Just Speaking His Narrow Mind. 

I'm not much for telling grown folks how they should live or react to adversity in their lives. In fact I'm normally the one that says live and let live, but there are times when molds must be broken and if ever there was a time then this, most assuredly is it. By looking at the title and the picture above I'm sure that we all know that this is about the "shituation" in L.A. with the owner Donald Sterling.

Clips New Additions 2013-2014 Season 

Listen Please 

Audio of "alleged" Sterling remarks 

After hearing the audio of what is alleged to be Donald's remarks, I'm certainly not surprised to find out that a filthy rich, older man would hold on some of the beliefs that he grew up with, especially if it's worked for you for more than 80 years. I'm also not surprised that so many are offended by the remarks, and finally I am least surprised by the Clippers President Andy Roeser's decision to put out a statement that seems to reduce Mr. Sterling's statements as an attempt to "get even" after a bad breakup, by his former girlfriend or mistress.

It seems to me that more and more each week there is some old White man spewing remarks that would harken us all back to the good ole days. You know the days when my Black ass would be serving massa a cool mint julep in a brass cup on the big ole porch on the plantation. Here's the rub racist white guy - the good ole days were not good for everyone. The days of free labor are long gone and should stay that way. The days of "staying in one's place" is a thing of the past never to be revisited. The day of racist remarks going unchallenged is a thing of the past but the day of making one pay for the fraudulent check that their dumb asses tried to pawn  off on the rest of the world, is something that is still in question.

If you listened to the audio and are not offended, I have no issue with that but if you can do so and fail to see why others would be, then I would say you lack compassion & decency. Chances are that the majority do understand so no need to belabor that point except for to say that we should all work on helping Mr. Sterling and others like him to understand why this "good ole boy" way of thinking is harmful to the inclusive process that is supposed to be the American Way.

Seriously Dude?!?

 Andy Roeser, president of the L.A. Clippers, today issued the following statement:

“We have heard the tape on TMZ. We do not know if it is legitimate or it has been altered. We do know that the woman on the tape -- who we believe released it to TMZ -- is the defendant in a lawsuit brought by the Sterling family alleging that she embezzled more than $1.8 million, who told Mr. Sterling that she would “get even.”  Mr. Sterling is emphatic that what is reflected on that recording is not consistent with, nor does it reflect his views, beliefs or feelings. It is the antithesis of who he is, what he believes and how he has lived his life. He feels terrible that such sentiments are being attributed to him and apologizes to anyone who might have been hurt by them.  He is also upset and apologizes for sentiments attributed to him about Earvin Johnson. He has long considered Magic a friend and has only the utmost respect and admiration for him--both in terms of who he is and what he has achieved. We are investigating this matter.”

While I'm fine with the idea of a statement being made from the front office of the Clippers, I want to bring attention to the highlighted part of the statement, "Get Even", by asking a simple question directly to Mr. Roeser; Are we to give the rambling musings of a racist a pass because someone was out to "get even"? Nigga please!!!! That is a part that would have been better served being left out of the statement. It's as if saying that she was out to get him made him the racist that he appears to be or spew his racist nonsense and attempts to exonerate Sterling from his hate speech.

Russell, Ali, Brown & Jabbar

I won't go on a tirade on what should or should not be done. I won't even try to compare the social and moral stances taken by some of our athletes in the 60 & 70 to the ones that seem not to want to take a stance now. Instead I'll make a suggestion to a few groups as to what can be done by starting at the top.

• 1) The Owners should take a unified public stance and then make a unified statement justifying the stance that they have taken in order for us, the consumer to determine if it is in line with what we will continue to support. 

• 2) The Clippers should refuse take part in the playoffs until this matter is resolved. Due process is understood so getting to the bottom of this will be a priority if the owners want to get the playoff money that is needed to line their pockets. 

• 3) The NBA Players should refuse to participate in the playoffs until the owners step up and take charge of one of their own gone commando. Imagine what can be done if each of the 16 teams refused to finish the opening round of these playoffs (the most competitive opening round in the history of the playoffs) until the issue was investigated, resolved and punishment doled out. This is a league that is 80% Black so this can't all fall on the Clipper's they are a small part in the cog. There is revenue sharing so each owner gets a part of the pie so this has to be affected for change. 

• 4) The Fans should stop watching the playoffs, especially the Clippers until the issue is resolved.

• 5) The Media should refuse to cover the Clippers except for the scandal until there is resolution. There are enough people that have come on TV in waxing poetic on how appalled they are about that statements being attributed to Mr. Sterling some have even said that they are in no way surprised as these and similar statements have been whispered in the corridors of the Clippers front office since he's owned the team. I ask them; what are you willing to do to "facilitate" the change? 

A Damn Shame 

Here's why this is important to each and every one of us no matter what color, creed or gender you happen to be, this is a man that has the ability to cost lives, careers and livelihoods. This is a man that would seem just as likely to hold a woman back as much as he would a Black person. This is a man that has the audacity to think that his money holds him to an elite status where the rules are and should be applied differently for he and his power elite. This is a man that clearly seems to think he is bigger than the NBA. I remember thinking that the NBA would be boring once Jordan retired but then came Kobe. I also remember thinking that same thing again but then came Lebron then K.D and now Damian Lillard, Step Curry and others. The one thing that time as a fan has taught me is that if the game could continue on without Jordan then it damn well can do so without Donald Sterling. I get that some of the players have waited a lifetime for the moment to compete for a championship but the more pertinent issue seems to be at hand. It's time for us all to take a stand by sitting this one out. 

Boycott Sterling 2014

Update : Adam Silver has come out swinging and I am happy to once again support the NBA and now him. Adam Silver we thank you for having the courage and conviction to do what needed to be done. 

It Happened One Day in May...

I remember it like it was yesterday, sure the day started off as usual, dusty and hot with a hint of optimism wafting through the early morning air. I had trouble sleeping the night before so I phoned my driver to have him take me to work early so that I could get back by 1400 and possibly catch up on the sleep that I had missed out on. I wish I could say that there were indications of what was to come but as I recall it, it was just the opposite. The skies were the clearest they had been since I first arrived about 2 months earlier. The streets were clear and free as was my mind, save for the sleep that was awaiting me. I arrived to the villa before 1400 and caught up with a few folks just to shoot the proverbial shit for a few minutes then off to my room I went just as carefree as ever.

I took this job back in March of 2013 and was excited about seeing a part of the world that I had not seen before. When I first arrived I was amazed at how I could hang out in bars and clubs and walk around in broad daylight. As far as I had heard this would not be the case, but I suppose being there and living it is different then what you may hear in some cases. At any rate I lived it up and had no worries nor fears in my first 65 days but day 66 would prove to change absolutely everything in my world.

BBC News

A loud boooooooommmmm, then a plume of black smoke could be seen over the horizon. I went out to the roof to see what the hell was going on. The smoke seemed to be about a block or two away. Rat-ta-tat-ta-tat, now it's the sound of AK- 47's going off in the background, non stop. My colleagues all ran upstairs where I am to see what is going on. As I looked over the roof top an officer yelled at me to get back in the building and stay off of the roof. We are under attack! WTF! I'm seeing green and red flashes (the trail that bullets leave as they exit military firearms and rocket launchers), hearing booms, watching the police and military scramble for cover to gain offensive positioning. Talk about 0-120 in less than 20 seconds, and here I am left wondering how in the hell I came to be at this spot at this particular moment. Kabul, I warn you is not for the faint of heart. Hell it's not even for thrill seekers. Sure jump out of a plane, raft the rapids, swim with sharks, jump into a pit of poisonous snakes but take your ass to Kabul and you will know what thrill seeking isn't. To know that you are completely helpless in a situation is debilitating and can have a lasting effect on you and your psyche. I decided to call up my loved ones and pass messages that I was safe and out of harms way and fell asleep. It's all that I could do, after all I was already worried and I was smack dab in the middle of the fray but the last thing that I wanted was for my family, a world away and more helpless than me, to worry for even a minute. The standoff lasted for a bit over 4 hours. Can any of you imagine how long 4 hours is in a situation like this? I assure you that time is not a constant, that shit felt like 4 months. This was the first eye-opener of my time in Kabul, Afghanistan but it was far from my last.

Kabul Attack

Argo 1st 10 Minutes

If you have not had a chance to see Argo I beg you to do so as there are elements in this movie (the opening 4 minutes of the film) that inspired me to write this post. While the movie does very little to celebrate the Canadian's that actually took on the mission, the first 4 minutes does a great job at describing the way that I felt on this particular day and what I felt was to come.  I beg that those of us that are out of harms way (in your office at work or on your couch at home) be careful of the things that we say, post and "put out there" as we have countrymen that may pay for your opinion and reckless musings. Go out a see the situation for yourself in order to garner a more educated assessment before waxing poetic about the political climates and our involvement in other countries. By my unscientific estimate, based on conversations I have had with strangers and friends, most Westerners think that Afghanistan is in the Middle East, when if fact it is in Asia. Yet when most are asked about the area and situation, I have yet to have one person decline to opine.  Yes, everyone is entitled to hold their own opinion but placing yourself in the belly of the beast just may have you keep your perspective to yourself for the good of others that might be in harms way. I pray for all that have lost their lives and continue to place themselves in harms way for whatever their reasons may be. I hope that you will join me in doing the same. We have soldiers around the world that place their lives on the line everyday and they deserve our prayers and commendations. We also have contractors that do the same in support of our soldiers, that are not allowed to arm themselves, so they should be in our prayers and thoughts as well. Please take the time to think about what you are posting before you post, for your fellow countrymen. It's no laughing matter when you are facing the barrel of a gun of someone that has allowed the media to define who you are simply by an image, propaganda or one's limited viewpoint as shared from a couch.

March 20th 2014 Kabul

March 20th 2014 Kabul

Feb 20th 2014 Kabul 

Jan 18th  2014

Let Me Clear A Few Things Up! Answers To My Most Frequently Asked Questions.....

There are a few questions that have been asked of me or my blog since I started publishing 2 years ago. Below are those asked most frequently. This is my attempt to clear the air and allow all to see why I do what it is I do.

Questions

• Why do you write stories on your blog, this is about recipes and opinions right? 
• What gives you the right to have an opinion and share it with others? 
• Why don't you follow conventional wisdom when it comes to your blog? I mean who in the hell expects to be taken seriously when using Walter Turncoat font anyway? 
• Why do you add that music thing to your blogs, it can be annoying at times? 
• OMG, people don't want to read a damn book every time they tune in to OPC Blogs, is there anyway you can just make quick points and show lots of pictures? Pictures and catchy phrases are what keeps your readers engaged anyway.
• Why do you have two blogs any way, can't you stick to one subject and be happy? 
• When you have gotten advice on changes why haven't you acted on that advice. 

Writing has been something that I have been intrigued with for a while now. If you have ever worked with me then you can tell by the emails that I send. I leave no detail uncovered so as to give you all of the information that is required to be effective for the task being directed. When I start off on a blog entry I will normally relate to something from my past be it recent or long ago. I have a great memory because I have trained myself to remember everything photographically. This in turn is mastered by remembering the picture based on the story around it. While my food blog is about food, there are stories around the recipes that are included to give context. As far as the opinion blog, most opinions are based in experiences or stories. 

My right to my opinion is God given as is yours. The more suitable question for me is what gives anyone the audacity not to share something that might be helpful, enlightening or otherwise entertaining?  We all have something that can make the world a better place, not being melodramatic but I will say that if one person is effected in a positive manner due to a post that I have shared then the world is changed. The fact that I've grown up in DC, lived in Oakland, all over Iraq and now Afghanistan gives me a number of experiences to share that I think offer a unique perspective on a wide range of subjects and issues. 

Dis' My Damn Blog and I do what I want (lol)! Seriously though I have a desire to be true to myself in every situation. I love giving advice and sharing stories but when I look in the mirror I am still the Mark that I have proven myself to be, part charming, part humorous, big part goofy and part serious. I hate Arial as it does nothing to describe who I am. Walter Turncoat reminds me of comic script and if nothing else my life has been overwhelmingly comical. I want to be taken a face value and that is it. I am seriously comical and comically serious. 

When I sit down to write, it all starts with music. I have listened to the same song over 50 times before in order to get the emotion of my story on paper beforehand, it's simply my process. I spend as much time compiling a playlist as I do writing the story, taking pictures and / or coming up with recipes to post. When I finally publish the post I want you to feel every aspect of what I was going through as I wrote it. I am convinced that it helps the reader connect to what they are seeing and sensing on my posts. 

If you are a lazy reader then I'm probably not a good follow for you it's really that simple. Words mean a great deal to me as do stories so the need to share will not be compromised. Again, this is being true to myself and a flat out refusal to be phony for the sake of capturing the masses. Of course I'd like to have mass appeal but not at the cost of my own identity. I wholeheartedly embrace change but not reinvention if it is not needed. I can't tell you the amount of times that I have heard, "you need to hit them fast, make your point, show a flashy and relevant picture and then move on or you will lose your reader!" Man, I lost those types at "There are a few Questions...." Technology has allowed us to become too lazy. Do you know any cell numbers by heart anymore? All we do now is press a name and presto, there's the other party on the line saying hello. I hope to take you on a quick trip away from your day while you are reading, if you can't take the time to do so then hopefully you can return later. If you can't then so be it, I know that not everyone will be interested in what I have to say any way. I'm good with that but I still say that you can get food for the soul from many sources so be careful what you discount.  

I recently talked with two very key people that lead to a drastic change in format, content and the creation of a separate blog. My friend Tracey Austin sent a message to me about some of the typos that were present and some other structural issues in reference to my food blog. The next day I heard from another friend Eboni Green that went more in depth with some of the things that she would have changed, given her druthers. There have been so many that suggested changes before but for some reason I listened to these two incredible women and I'd like to thank them both for pushing me to change and as a result find new inspiration. What was ultimately determined is that the food blog would be less wordy and more recipe and picture oriented. This blog would allow me to fill my need to write and share my thoughts on a range of subject and issues. This is why I have two now and will look to add a series out soon. This will be a fictional series based in humorous coming of age stories about a central character and all of his friends. I know, go figure right? 

While I can be slow to react, but as seen above, when I get it and agree I will shift gears. At the same time I have to be true to myself or risk coming off as inauthentic. Nothing could be further from the truth. For the most part I know what makes me tick and I think I reflect that with each post. Can I be better? Of course I can but that's where the growth comes in. On my food blog you will notice a distinctive change in material, writing style, flow and other things since I started. I could go back to make the corrections but I want to see my growth or lack there of as I have moved about. Writing is a learning process for me and I won't cheat the system by taking shortcuts. Allowing myself to see the growth is an important step in the process of learning how to write for public consumption. I consider myself not only a fast learner but more importantly an ongoing student.

Herat, Afghanistan 

I hope that this gives you the answers and a bit more insight as to why I do what I am doing. If it does not feel free to ask whatever it is and I will try to answer it as openly and honestly as possible. I also hope that I haven't rubbed anyone the wrong way with this post. I contend that if I have, then you are clearly not reading what I have shared but choosing instead to read into what I have written. Good luck with that.... Love you all and hope to see you next week.

Above Kabul, Afghanistan