Let Me Clear A Few Things Up! Answers To My Most Frequently Asked Questions.....

There are a few questions that have been asked of me or my blog since I started publishing 2 years ago. Below are those asked most frequently. This is my attempt to clear the air and allow all to see why I do what it is I do.

Questions

• Why do you write stories on your blog, this is about recipes and opinions right? 
• What gives you the right to have an opinion and share it with others? 
• Why don't you follow conventional wisdom when it comes to your blog? I mean who in the hell expects to be taken seriously when using Walter Turncoat font anyway? 
• Why do you add that music thing to your blogs, it can be annoying at times? 
• OMG, people don't want to read a damn book every time they tune in to OPC Blogs, is there anyway you can just make quick points and show lots of pictures? Pictures and catchy phrases are what keeps your readers engaged anyway.
• Why do you have two blogs any way, can't you stick to one subject and be happy? 
• When you have gotten advice on changes why haven't you acted on that advice. 

Writing has been something that I have been intrigued with for a while now. If you have ever worked with me then you can tell by the emails that I send. I leave no detail uncovered so as to give you all of the information that is required to be effective for the task being directed. When I start off on a blog entry I will normally relate to something from my past be it recent or long ago. I have a great memory because I have trained myself to remember everything photographically. This in turn is mastered by remembering the picture based on the story around it. While my food blog is about food, there are stories around the recipes that are included to give context. As far as the opinion blog, most opinions are based in experiences or stories. 

My right to my opinion is God given as is yours. The more suitable question for me is what gives anyone the audacity not to share something that might be helpful, enlightening or otherwise entertaining?  We all have something that can make the world a better place, not being melodramatic but I will say that if one person is effected in a positive manner due to a post that I have shared then the world is changed. The fact that I've grown up in DC, lived in Oakland, all over Iraq and now Afghanistan gives me a number of experiences to share that I think offer a unique perspective on a wide range of subjects and issues. 

Dis' My Damn Blog and I do what I want (lol)! Seriously though I have a desire to be true to myself in every situation. I love giving advice and sharing stories but when I look in the mirror I am still the Mark that I have proven myself to be, part charming, part humorous, big part goofy and part serious. I hate Arial as it does nothing to describe who I am. Walter Turncoat reminds me of comic script and if nothing else my life has been overwhelmingly comical. I want to be taken a face value and that is it. I am seriously comical and comically serious. 

When I sit down to write, it all starts with music. I have listened to the same song over 50 times before in order to get the emotion of my story on paper beforehand, it's simply my process. I spend as much time compiling a playlist as I do writing the story, taking pictures and / or coming up with recipes to post. When I finally publish the post I want you to feel every aspect of what I was going through as I wrote it. I am convinced that it helps the reader connect to what they are seeing and sensing on my posts. 

If you are a lazy reader then I'm probably not a good follow for you it's really that simple. Words mean a great deal to me as do stories so the need to share will not be compromised. Again, this is being true to myself and a flat out refusal to be phony for the sake of capturing the masses. Of course I'd like to have mass appeal but not at the cost of my own identity. I wholeheartedly embrace change but not reinvention if it is not needed. I can't tell you the amount of times that I have heard, "you need to hit them fast, make your point, show a flashy and relevant picture and then move on or you will lose your reader!" Man, I lost those types at "There are a few Questions...." Technology has allowed us to become too lazy. Do you know any cell numbers by heart anymore? All we do now is press a name and presto, there's the other party on the line saying hello. I hope to take you on a quick trip away from your day while you are reading, if you can't take the time to do so then hopefully you can return later. If you can't then so be it, I know that not everyone will be interested in what I have to say any way. I'm good with that but I still say that you can get food for the soul from many sources so be careful what you discount.  

I recently talked with two very key people that lead to a drastic change in format, content and the creation of a separate blog. My friend Tracey Austin sent a message to me about some of the typos that were present and some other structural issues in reference to my food blog. The next day I heard from another friend Eboni Green that went more in depth with some of the things that she would have changed, given her druthers. There have been so many that suggested changes before but for some reason I listened to these two incredible women and I'd like to thank them both for pushing me to change and as a result find new inspiration. What was ultimately determined is that the food blog would be less wordy and more recipe and picture oriented. This blog would allow me to fill my need to write and share my thoughts on a range of subject and issues. This is why I have two now and will look to add a series out soon. This will be a fictional series based in humorous coming of age stories about a central character and all of his friends. I know, go figure right? 

While I can be slow to react, but as seen above, when I get it and agree I will shift gears. At the same time I have to be true to myself or risk coming off as inauthentic. Nothing could be further from the truth. For the most part I know what makes me tick and I think I reflect that with each post. Can I be better? Of course I can but that's where the growth comes in. On my food blog you will notice a distinctive change in material, writing style, flow and other things since I started. I could go back to make the corrections but I want to see my growth or lack there of as I have moved about. Writing is a learning process for me and I won't cheat the system by taking shortcuts. Allowing myself to see the growth is an important step in the process of learning how to write for public consumption. I consider myself not only a fast learner but more importantly an ongoing student.

Herat, Afghanistan 

I hope that this gives you the answers and a bit more insight as to why I do what I am doing. If it does not feel free to ask whatever it is and I will try to answer it as openly and honestly as possible. I also hope that I haven't rubbed anyone the wrong way with this post. I contend that if I have, then you are clearly not reading what I have shared but choosing instead to read into what I have written. Good luck with that.... Love you all and hope to see you next week.

Above Kabul, Afghanistan 

Advice is Give & Take it on the Chin No More... - Keys To Giving or Receiving Advice.

The other day a friend asked for my opinion on a personal situation, while I knew better than to provide my two cents I went ahead and accommodated. What ensued was exactly what I knew was bound to happen in the first place, calamity. After we stopped the exchange I was left to ponder where it all went wrong. What I came up with are my keys to giving and receiving advice. As a matter of fact without both parties understanding and being receptive to this I will simply refuse to be a part of offering my advice or receiving the advice of others.

Understanding that most people don't want your advice at all, in fact what they really crave is validation. Realizing that the way I see things may in deed be different then you anticipated.  Knowledge that without the entire "story" your advice will be limited and might seem rather pointed. Accepting that the person asking or receiving the advice might be married to their own view point so proceeding with caution is a must. And Finally, agreeing not to make this situation a personal attack on one another.

Validation is something that I think we all want on some level. When I ask for your advice am I really wanting you to disagree with me? I think not. If I'm like most all I really want is to know that I am right and that you in all of your infinite wisdom agree with the words that are coming out of my mouth. I think this is the biggest problem with advice getting or taking. People generally seek out those that they think are like minded so they can get the feedback that validates their own side of the discussion. What I have found is that if I am clear in the first place as to what the rules of engagement are on this front then both parties come into the discussion knowing that I may not be able to validate you or your side of events. In fact I may do just the opposite but it might give you a fresh perspective on the issue. 

We are all shaped by our past experiences in one way or another, this is in fact what gives us our own perspective on different issues. That being the case it is almost impossible for people to see eye to eye on everything discussed. What I do now is to let you know that I am the way I am due to what I have been through and that will be my perspective throughout the discussion. Of course I can temper this with the fact that you may not have gone through the same thing so there may be a disconnect on that end but we will agree to respect that fact first. I'm convinced that this brings about healthy and positive exchange and keeps each party from taking things out of context.

Knowledge that for the most part you will only have one side of the story; the sender's side. The fact that I only know your version of events means that I have to offer advice based on the side of the story that you have shared. Your perspective may be completely different than your counterpart and somewhere between both sides lies the truth. If I'm not a fly on the wall how can I give you solid and fair advice? I can only give advice based on what's in front of me. The tone of your voice, the words being used in a text, the direction of the conversation are all cues for me to react in one way or another but if I fall prey to those things am I being fair to you as a friend offering advice that is supposed to be for your benefit or mine? In this case what I will do is point out ALL that I know on the situation first hand, so if you've only chosen to share the negative then that's all that I have to bounce back at you. This approach has helped me to see how one sided I/you may have been in the past when sharing information that I/you need an opinion on. It's funny that most people tend to only brag or complain, there's rarely a conversation that starts off with "I gotta tell you about the normal day we had yesterday"? My assumption is that if more of these days were shared then the advice offered can be more fair and balanced.

There are times when I can be intrenched in my opinion. It doesn't matter who says what, I know what works for me and assume that others have the same approach. What seems to logical to me may throw you in a tailspin so is it logical to expect you to embrace that? I understand that what I am offering or being offered is simple advice. I won't club you over the head with it or be mad at you for not buying into it so give me the same respect. If you are giving me your advice and I don't take it, is it fair for you to gather your toys and leave the playground? I don't think so but if that's your version of a  healthy response then have at it, I have chosen instead to remain respectfully in disagreement with you. It's really that simple, no hard feelings just relationship preservation. Some things are a process for people and that process has to be respected, even if you feel that you may be The authority on the subject in question. For me I have a series of steps that I take when doing everything and those steps work for me like a charm. I can't skip them or just wing it, if I really want to master something then pitfalls are a big part of that process. I have to understand where I went wrong in order to reference it for positive gain in the future.

Agreeing not to take advice as an affront to you is the most important key to this process. I can't tell you the amount of times that I may have left people feeling judged as a result of my advice. "I'm not stupid!" "I'm not crazy!" "You think I don't know that?" are phrases that I have heard and in some cases said. When most folks give you advice they are not saying any of these things to you, they are only offering their perspective, that's it that's all. Understanding this one key element can help you get what you need to get from the discussion, clarity and again a fresh perspective.

Crane Beach, Barbados

I'm certainly not asking that anyone follow these steps, pick your own if it helps but I will say that understanding these keys may be helpful when seeking out or giving advice. By following these simple steps I have at least been able to get people to understand how to better communicate with me when it comes to offering advice to me or taking it from me. The most important thing to consider is the end game, if you are in it to have a positive exchange then you will shape the experience to garner that result.