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Tuesday, January 14, 2014

Stop Wasting Time & Tell Someone Your Story. The Effects of The Butler & 12 Years A Slave.......

Charles County Md
Fridays in Afghanistan happen to be my relaxed day. I work a great deal but on Friday I tend to take it easy. Today I watched movies for the better part of the evening and caught up on a few that I heard a lot about but had been reluctant to see until now. 1st up The Butler and then 12 Years A Slave. Since this is not a review I won't get into either of the films but I will discuss two very poignant moments in both films that not only moved me to tears but more importantly moved me to pen.




In the film The Butler there is a moment when Forrest Whitaker's character apologizes to his son, played by David Oyelowo for the part that he played in "losing" their relationship for so many years. That scene had me in tears as I thought about the role egos have played in lost time with friends and family. If that wasn't enough I decided to follow that up with 12 Years a Slave. This is a movie that I highly suggest everyone see.  Not only is it moving but shows treachery in slavery that most films of this genre just don't capture in the same way. While the entire film was moving there was one particular scene that had a profound effect on me. In this scene the character played by Brad Pitt turns to the Solomon Northup (The Free - Slave) and says to him "Tell me your Story!" This to me is the most pivotal sentence that you can say to anyone. All anyone really wants is to tell their story and of course for it to matter.

The Butler 
Wasted Time is something that I am far too familiar with having done it on so many occasions. I've  lived in ego for far too long and am seeking help for that (LOL). Seriously though, how many times have you told yourself to take you out of an equation in order to keep the peace and stay on the right track only to have that derailed by your ego? The ego shows up in the form of "I have to be right, rather than understanding or forgiving." The ego feeds off of the opportunity to be quick to feel wronged and speak on it rather than seeing someone else's perspective and tempering your response accordingly. During the movie, Cecil (The Butler) allows petty issues to pull him away from his son and leaves his son to fend for his self. The years go by and of course there are no changes in the relationship, people can be stubborn that way. In the aforementioned scene Cecil sees his son on TV and decides enough is enough and goes to see him at the rally point. When he finally gets to him there's a brief exchange that ends with Cecil saying to his son that he is there to protest with him. His son says "What are you doing dad you'll get arrested and lose your job?" Cecil looks at him with tears in his eyes and says "Son I lost you, and I'm sorry!" Man, I just about lost it! I have been the king of fractured relationships with those that are closest to me off of the pettiest of issues. They say time heals all wounds but what they don't tell you is that time also allows dumb ass issues to fester into cancer if not handled properly and with the respect that the issues deserve. I've said it before and still hold to the belief that as men we are socialized differently but this happens to people of all genders, races and ages. The ego is a powerful thing if not kept in check. I simply do not want to go years without talking to a loved one for any reason let alone a petty misunderstanding. It's the ego that keeps us all from reaching out when we know people are hurting due to the fact that our last exchange wasn't pleasant. It's something moving about seeing a character aging before your eyes in the span of 2 hours. If you allow yourself to become the character you do in deed feel the years creeping past you as you sit. If you have any sense of familiarity with the character you can't help but to feel like a fool for letting all of those years pass without simply trying to reach out and make it right. What I felt was the cold grip of reality ripping through me as I thought about my own relationships in life and how silly it has been to hold on to the pain. How stupid it is to hold on to resentment, to allow anger to fester and physically change you into an old and bitter cynic. What this scene reminded me is that love is stronger than Ego. It was love that made Cecil see his son as a freedom fighter and a MAN of conviction. I'm not sure that it conquers all but I do know that it changes your perspective. From now on you guys can have the petty shit I'm focusing on something a bit different now. What is that you might ask? Personal growth is the way,  love is the focus and time's not wasting for me again....

12 Years A Slave 
Listening requires a great bit of skill and patience but perhaps the most underrated part is empathy. To truly listen to someone requires that you insert yourself in someone's story as them. Without empathy one is already formulating a response before the story is completely told. In the movie there's a point in which Solomon engages Brad Pitt's character. Solomon had entrusted another white man with a secret and it almost got him killed. As Solomon stammers Brad Pitt turns to him and says "Tell your story!" Whoa! I'm thinking to myself "that's all anyone really needs!" There's a certain sense of empowerment that comes along with speaking your truth, your story, your version of events. To let someone know that their story matters to you is priceless. In the movie Solomon had been waiting for those kind ears for 12 years. In life I can't imagine how many of us are still waiting for someone to give a fuck about what we have to share let alone give us the avenue to share with them. What moved me the most isn't necessarily the fact that Brad's character listened but the fact that Solomon still had enough humanity left in him to trust sharing his truth. Giving someone the opportunity to share is in deed a huge thing but trusting that your story won't fall on deaf ears is the business end of that relationship. Hoping that sharing your story won't have dire consequences and / or bring about judgement is probably what holds us back about sharing our truth. Watching this movie and having this scene touch me to the core is validating. I started to blog in order to share, in order to exorcise "demons", in order to allow my story to be told. All I really want is for someone to listen. If you are in deed listening then I have done what I needed to do for me. The question I have for you as you read this is what are you doing to be heard? What are you doing to tell your story, your truth? If you are willing to share then I am here to listen. I'm here to give my ear to you for whatever you wish to share. I could care less who you are or what you do / have done. I'm here playing my role and promise to show compassion and empathy. I am here to Listen.. You see blogging, to me,  isn't just about sharing my thoughts but it's about listening to what my readers have to say as well... I do hope you take the time to do so and I pray that you take the time to watch both of these movies.

This post is dedicated to my Mother, Father and each of my Siblings.



Sunday, January 12, 2014

Spread Love...... A Tribute to Josef Desimone, One of the Good Ones....

                                               This is a post from my food blog from July 22nd 2013. 
Chef Josef "Joey" Desimone

I remember it like it was yesterday being taken around the Google campus at the end of my internship from CCA @ Google-Plex to see if someone had a position for me to fill in order to get a full time job there. There were 3 or 4 cafe's visited before finally being placed with Joey and his crew. There was a new Cafe opening up and Joey was the Executive Chef. We were cooking out of one kitchen, transporting some of the food to a picnicking area and grilling food everyday for about 600-900 folks  and boy did the Googler's love it.

When I started my internship at Google I was like a kid in a candy shop, talk about deep pockets! We ordered from the finest purveyor's, prepped choice, top quality ingredients and cooked with state of the art equipment and small wares. I mean, we would order cases of Yuzu Juice @ $78/pc like they were cases of soda. We had Iron Clad everything from pans to tongs, just a chef's heaven of a place to work in. I couldn't have had a more spoiled rebirth to the world of professional cooking after culinary school. That being said, there still just seemed to be something missing.

I had always fancied myself as somewhat of a renegade style of chef, one that responded when the chips were down. The type that would make a better dish out of scraps than most would with the choice portions. When I landed with Joey he was operating one Cafe and opening a new Cafe that would be called 14. Joey came and got me from Cafe 7 in a toy truck and took me to my new digs. When we walked in there were chefs in a conference room that had been set up as a kitchen prep area, makeshift prep tables and sanitation buckets. It was clean and organized but nothing like the cold and sterile kitchens that I had seen all around Google before. The kitchen that belonged to this area was occupied with prep and cooking for the Googler's for that building. So the temporary area was set up to cook for the inhabitants of the new building for Cafe 14. Joey looked at me to gauge my reaction to what I was seeing. I looked back and said "where do you want me to start!" He smiled, hit me on my back and said with the Joey groan, "Brother I think this will work out, welcome to the jungle!"

What I loved about my time at 14 with Joey was how gritty we were. We started off by grilling for 600-900 people on a couple of gas grills everyday, rain or extreme heat. We fed an entire building and then some, everyday without a kitchen just an outdoor grill area, patio and makeshift prep area in a conference room. I can assure we had great executive chefs but none of them would have had the sack to even attempt what Joey had taken on in those conditions. No disrespect intended to any of them but Joey was the type that saw an obstacle and met it head on Fuck going around it we were going through it if he had anything to say about it! While the other cafes were making beautifully manicured plates we were making great comfort food, shaking hands, kissing babies and rocking out with the most popular guy at Google, Joey the Rockstar...

As I said in a post that I wrote about a year ago Joey was a Rockstar. When you met him you would first see the Tats, then the rings and a finger point. As you talked with him you would be at ease almost immediately, he had a low voice and always had something funny to say. By the time you were done talking to him you couldn't help but to see how big this guy's heart was. There was nothing that he wouldn't do to help, no cause too small and nobody that wasn't important enough for him to get an opinion from. As larger than life as we saw him, he never acted as if he was better than anybody be they chefs, cooks or dishwashers Joey was there to serve and that's what I liked the most about him. Next to that was his flat out refusal to panic and sense of humor. One night when the crew had to work a late, plated dinner,  Joey was given a couple of very expensive bottles of Red Wine. He placed them in his office and let us know just how much they cost just to taunt us. When we finished the dinner he very graciously handed the crew (myself, Dontaye, & Virgil) a bottle and said "have at it boys, just be sure to save Zeke a swig"! You see Zeke was like a son to Joey and at the time he was somewhere else probably getting over a hangover or something (lol Zeke) but on his way back in the kitchen. As a joke we quickly emptied the contents of the bottle into 3 glasses and filled a glassful of balsamic vinegar into the emptied bottle. Zeke comes in the room and sees each of us sipping, pinkies in the air , on wine and of course wants his share. We pointed to the bottle and said pour your own poison Z. He took to the bottle like a sommelier, being sure to pour his new found "liquid gold" into the wine glass, twirling it around and then taking in his first gulp. As he tasted it we all sat back trying hard to conceal our laughter, so as not to give up the prank. I know we all had to be thinking, "When are his numb ass taste buds going to kick in and make him aware of the snafu?" At least I know that's what I was thinking. As he perks up his lips to give his scholarly assesment of what he has taken in you see this puzzled look on his face, head to the side almost. Zeke then says something like "the effervescence is quite astounding, almost bitter but palatable!" (totally made up to clown you Zeke) and it came across like "unga bunga if this is the good stuff Mad Dog 20/20 it is from now on for me fellas!" Then comes the second swig and the ruse is up, those dormant taste buds kicked in and Zeke yells "You bastards gave me vinegar!" There we are rolling on the kitchen floor, Z in full tantrum mode and then he does the unthinkable. You see Zeke pranked everybody everyday but when you got him back he'd be pissed and on this occasion he was threat level Amber. Without a second thought Zeke hurls his wine, glass and all clear across the kitchen. Virgil, weaved, Dontaye swerved and I ducked. At the same time guess who is coming out of his office. You know it, Joey. The wine hits his jacket first and then the entire left side of his body next comes the glass. Without missing a beat Joey looks at Zeke, wine soaked jacket and all pulls his hair back into a ponytail and says, "That's the wrong answer Zeke!" and then continues to walk over and wipe his wine on Zeke. We all fell out laughing for about 30 minutes. Joey wasn't mad at all he just took it in stride and told us to "put the screws to him boys!" , which we did from that day on.

To me one of his strongest attributes as a chef was his understanding of the role that the customer plays in customer service. In the day of the arrogant celebrity chef (still in its' infancy stage if you ask me) who tells you what your'e eating, why your'e eating it with what your'e eating it with and why they are not changing those things to suit your taste but educating you, Joey was the antithesis of this. He demanded that we go out and gauge the pulse of the diners in order to better suit their needs. Yes, we were going to do pretty food but we were going to put out dishes that reminded the customer of home and helped them to feel like a part of the team process.

By far, and everyone will tell you this, Joey's heart was the thing that made him stand out. If you were ever in need of anything he was the first one to offer help. There was never a cause too small for him, never a conversation that he didn't make time for. If there was a moment to spare you can bet that he was helping out in some way or another.

Joey left Giggle oops Google to start the Facebook Culinary program with most of his crew and open Cafe's all over the world. I stayed behind at Google for a while but it just wasn't the same. The food was always good at Google but to me it seemed that the heart had left the place, funny enough at the same time that this upstart corporate dining thing called FaceBook was finding its' heart not only in corporate dining but probably as a company too. I am positive that Joey had a great deal to do with the culture there. Every time I see an article about Facebook it seems so Joey. Part Rockstar, Part Philanthropist, Part Community leader and All Heart. He really was the complete package.

Earlier this week Joey passed away from his physical form and on to the next one. I wrote this on my FB page hours after I found out....


Today I woke up a world away at 0400 to find out that a dear friend and mentor has passed away. Life is ever changing and I guess that's all part of it. When I was inboxed by all of my friends of course I was shocked and sad but this song kept playing in my head the more that I talked to you guys. Trust me Joey wouldn't have listened to this or played it but the words to this song couldn't be more appropriate or profound. Joey is a person that will bring the world together. We were a band of misfits and outlaws that he banded together at Cafe 14 @ Google of all races, creeds and walks of life but he made each of us feel loved. The rest of the chefs in the other cafes wanted what we had "the most fun loving and unpretentious cafe at Google" 

Trust that we all grieve in different ways and I am choosing to celebrate you Joey. I celebrate the life that you lived abundantly. I celebrate the special bond that you have with Zeke. I celebrate the lives that you touched on a daily basis (sometimes without even knowing it) But most of all I celebrate that fact that you above all brought Love to so many of us. You have the biggest heart and the best way for me to pay tribute to your everlasting soul is to live more lively, travel more frequently, laugh uninhibitedly and love more abundantly. Know that the while the world has loss your physical presence your spirit will live on in many forever. I refuse to use past tense with you as you are still here with us... I love you Joey Chef Josef Desimone.

The saying goes "All good things must come to an end!" I say that energy is everlasting and transfers from one thing to the next. All that know him have his energy. All that met him had to have been better off after the exchange if even in the smallest of ways. All that tell stories about him and their time together have a way of making you see the event through the story shared. There are people that shine and shine bright for the entire world to see and then there are people that shine bright, warm hearts and affect change. I have the sneaky suspicion that Joey is one of those people. If ever there is a time that I am full of myself as a person, chef or man I simply remember that I am here to serve. I am here to share and I am here to spread my love of all things in a larger than life way. I'll end this by borrowing a familiar Joeyism "Anything worth doing is worth over doing"! Man will I miss your words and hearing your voice but the time that we spent, the lessons that you taught and the love that you gave without compromise will live on in me forever. Josef "Joey", Chef, Rockstar, Humanitarian, Party God, Brutha and Friend you are One Of The Good Ones..... Love you Brutha!!!!!!!!!!


Living it up... Vegas Baby!


William & Josef Desimone


Joey & Sam Choy


The Finger Point "Got you in the sights of my... Burner!"


Doing What Joey Does....
Kiss The Rings B.....
Joey & Virgil 
Zeke, Dean & Joey


Tony, Zeke, Mark Z. & Joey

Zeke "the son" @ FB Moment of Silence..





Friday, January 10, 2014

Welcome To The OPC is Going Off - Simply Food For Thought......


For those of you that don't know me here's a bit of my blogging history. I started a food blog http://otherparsimoniouschef.blogspot.com about 2 years ago that can and should be visited by hitting the link above. What I provide there are recipes that are easy to follow, stories that are simple to relate to and music that is easy to be inspired by. In March of 2013 I took a job in Afghanistan which limited the amount of pictures and recipes which in turn redirected the content and the blog became more narrative than I had first imagined. What I found was being limited in the physical sense only awaked my need to share more by writing. From that point on it was all about the story telling.

Chiang Mai
As a person that has lived life to the fullest I found an unlimited supply of stories to share and in turn relive. I also found it quite easy to relate these stories to food and recipes so it was on and poppin'! By now I have over 110 post and a great deal of those follow that formula and it's gone fairly well. Most of my followers love my stories, the fact that I provide music that is relevant to the post and recipes that are different from most others. Recently I've been told by more than a few, that I should think about changing the format to be more in line with other more popular Food Blogs. Although I still love what I do I have begun to relent and even see their points. This Blog is my attempt to allow for my writing, story sharing and opinion to take center stage and leave the food and travel for the other blogs that I have.

Thailand
In this Blog Series The OPC is Going Off - Simply Food For Thought... You will get my opinion on everything that makes me tick. Trust me there will be issues that you may like and some that you just might hate but I promise to present each of my thoughts in a fare and balanced way. The idea is to create healthy debate, and in some cases a fresh perspective on issues of the day. My 2nd real post is sure to tick some off but if all really sit back and internalize what I am sharing they should realize that it is only My opinion and not made to force it down anyone's throat but shared to allow the reader to understand My perspective.

Food For Thought will cover subjects such as The Art of Taking and Giving Advice, The State Of Music, The Use of Certain Words & absolutely anything that One could possibly have an opinion on. I hope that you will enjoy the posts as much as I enjoy writing and sharing them. I enjoy learning how to write and encourage those that are sitting on the fence about writing to just jump out there and do it. There's an audience out there for everyone. This is Simply Food For Thought.....

Here's To New Beginnings