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| Charles County Md |
Fridays in Afghanistan happen to be my relaxed day. I work a great deal but on Friday I tend to take it easy. Today I watched movies for the better part of the evening and caught up on a few that I heard a lot about but had been reluctant to see until now. 1st up The Butler and then 12 Years A Slave. Since this is not a review I won't get into either of the films but I will discuss two very poignant moments in both films that not only moved me to tears but more importantly moved me to pen.
In the film The Butler there is a moment when Forrest Whitaker's character apologizes to his son, played by David Oyelowo for the part that he played in "losing" their relationship for so many years. That scene had me in tears as I thought about the role egos have played in lost time with friends and family. If that wasn't enough I decided to follow that up with 12 Years a Slave. This is a movie that I highly suggest everyone see. Not only is it moving but shows treachery in slavery that most films of this genre just don't capture in the same way. While the entire film was moving there was one particular scene that had a profound effect on me. In this scene the character played by Brad Pitt turns to the Solomon Northup (The Free - Slave) and says to him "Tell me your Story!" This to me is the most pivotal sentence that you can say to anyone. All anyone really wants is to tell their story and of course for it to matter.
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| The Butler |
Wasted Time is something that I am far too familiar with having done it on so many occasions. I've lived in
ego for far too long and am seeking help for that (LOL). Seriously though, how many times have you told yourself to take you out of an equation in order to keep the peace and stay on the right track only to have that derailed by your ego? The ego shows up in the form of "I have to be right, rather than understanding or forgiving." The ego feeds off of the opportunity to be quick to feel wronged and speak on it rather than seeing someone else's perspective and tempering your response accordingly. During the movie, Cecil (The Butler) allows petty issues to pull him away from his son and leaves his son to fend for his self. The years go by and of course there are no changes in the relationship, people can be stubborn that way. In the aforementioned scene Cecil sees his son on TV and decides enough is enough and goes to see him at the rally point. When he finally gets to him there's a brief exchange that ends with Cecil saying to his son that he is there to protest with him. His son says "What are you doing dad you'll get arrested and lose your job?" Cecil looks at him with tears in his eyes and says "Son I lost you, and I'm sorry!" Man, I just about lost it! I have been the king of fractured relationships with those that are closest to me off of the pettiest of issues. They say time heals all wounds but what they don't tell you is that time also allows dumb ass issues to fester into cancer if not handled properly and with the respect that the issues deserve. I've said it before and still hold to the belief that as men we are socialized differently but this happens to people of all genders, races and ages. The ego is a powerful thing if not kept in check. I simply do not want to go years without talking to a loved one for any reason let alone a petty misunderstanding. It's the
ego that keeps us all from reaching out when we know people are hurting due to the fact that our last exchange wasn't pleasant. It's something moving about seeing a character aging before your eyes in the span of 2 hours. If you allow yourself to become the character you do in deed feel the years creeping past you as you sit. If you have any sense of familiarity with the character you can't help but to feel like a fool for letting all of those years pass without simply trying to reach out and make it right. What I felt was the cold grip of reality ripping through me as I thought about my own relationships in life and how silly it has been to hold on to the pain. How stupid it is to hold on to resentment, to allow anger to fester and physically change you into an old and bitter cynic. What this scene reminded me is that
love is stronger than
Ego. It was
love that made Cecil see his son as a freedom fighter and a
MAN of conviction. I'm not sure that it conquers all but I do know that it changes your perspective. From now on you guys can have the petty shit I'm focusing on something a bit different now. What is that you might ask? Personal growth is the way,
love is the focus and time's not wasting for me again....
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| 12 Years A Slave |
Listening requires a great bit of skill and patience but perhaps the most underrated part is
empathy. To truly listen to someone requires that you insert yourself in someone's story as them. Without
empathy one is already formulating a response before the story is completely told. In the movie there's a point in which Solomon engages Brad Pitt's character. Solomon had entrusted another white man with a secret and it almost got him killed. As Solomon stammers Brad Pitt turns to him and says "Tell your story!" Whoa! I'm thinking to myself "that's all anyone really needs!" There's a certain sense of
empowerment that comes along with speaking your
truth, your story, your version of events. To let someone know that their story matters to you is priceless. In the movie Solomon had been waiting for those kind ears for 12 years. In life I can't imagine how many of us are still waiting for someone to give a fuck about what we have to share let alone give us the avenue to share with them. What moved me the most isn't necessarily the fact that Brad's character listened but the fact that Solomon still had enough
humanity left in him to
trust sharing his
truth. Giving someone the opportunity to share is in deed a huge thing but trusting that your story won't fall on deaf ears is the business end of that relationship. Hoping that sharing your story won't have dire consequences and / or bring about judgement is probably what holds us back about sharing our
truth. Watching this movie and having this scene touch me to the core is validating. I started to blog in order to share, in order to exorcise "demons", in order to allow my story to be told. All I really want is for someone to listen. If you are in deed listening then I have done what I needed to do for me. The question I have for you as you read this is what are you doing to be heard? What are you doing to tell your story, your truth? If you are willing to share then I am here to listen. I'm here to give my ear to you for whatever you wish to share. I could care less who you are or what you do / have done. I'm here playing my role and promise to show compassion and empathy. I am here to Listen.. You see blogging, to me, isn't just about sharing my thoughts but it's about
listening to what my readers have to say as well... I do hope you take the time to do so and I pray that you take the time to watch both of these movies.
This post is dedicated to my Mother, Father and each of my Siblings.
I've not seen either film, but want to see 12 Years A Slave when I get the chance. The Butler though it sounds like a wonderful film filled with history which is one of my favorite subjects other than food, I will not watch it. I am not a hateful person, but I say the hate word when it comes to Jane Fonda. The movie may be the best picture, but because that woman is in it, I refuse to watch it. Some people tell me t get over it, what she did to the soldiers and the moral of the soldiers during Vietnam was over 40 years ago. She called our guys war criminals, and sat on an enemy anti-aircraft gun, amongst other things. But to me the forgiveness of treachery has no expiration. date. She stands as a reminder to me, and should for all Americans be in the same category as Tokyo Rose, Robert Hanssen, Aldrich Ames, Adam Yahiye Gadahn, Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, Nidal Malik Hasan, John walker Jr., and Benedict Arnold.
ReplyDeleteSean it's not just about the movies and certainly not about who's in them. It is about taking something away from all aspects of life to help you grow. A movie, a play, a letter, a song, a word from a passing stranger ; all of these things can give inspiration. I'm simply suggesting that we all choose to be inspired instead of holding on to bitterness about certain people or things as those things rarely even effect those that we are holding grudges with but taint our own souls and outlook on things. At the end of the day we are all responsible for ourselves but those that we interact with should be better off after an interaction with us instead of bitter and drained...
DeleteI'm inspired by your post. My Dad has parkinson's and he's slowly losing his ability to communicate and move. To watch a brilliant vibrant man struggle with some of the simplest tasks has been extremely painful to witness. I've made peace with this and have turned my attention to supporting him in telling his story. My dad is a brilliant photographer so our entire life has been documented ... the spectacular and the mundane. Each time I visit I help him document his stories in writing and asking him to tell some of the stories behind the images. Recently I noticed he wanted to learn more about my story. Since Im so far away he doesn't see my day to day activities. So I send him packets of images from instagram (printagram) and that is now the topic of our phone discussions. On days when he has trouble with speech he can tell me what photo he's looking at and I can tell him the story of the image. There may be physical distance between us but our hearts entwined through our mutual story telling and for a moment he can let go of his physical limitations and sink deep into the story.
ReplyDeleteJulie, what I love about forward thinking people is their ability to adapt in worse case scenarios in order to benefit others, which in turn is beneficial for the soul. I never much cared about pictures until I realized the importance of having a moment captured not only in your mind but somewhere that is tangible. What you are doing is precious and amazing. I hope to share a story or two with you one day. Story telling is sooooo important to me, it's like I go to another place when I hear someone's story. If you have never seen the movie Big Fish please seek it out I think you can relate with you current situation. Thank you for sharing and I'll wait to hear some of what you have to share. Send me the link to your blog and I'll attach it to this one or the Food Blog.
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